It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Randomize
