I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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