On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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