Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
