I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
