You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So much Jack, so little girl.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
