You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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