Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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