In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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