You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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