I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
