hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
