She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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