So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
