she was so not down for the gang bang
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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