You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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