the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
