dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The air was thick with penises
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
