We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
