I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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