i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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