No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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