Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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