i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
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