Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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