so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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