If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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