loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
