i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
