I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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