Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just want to make out with him forever
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
