apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This show inspires me to have sex in space
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
