Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
