someone threw a dead crab at me
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
