I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
