hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
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Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
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so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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