So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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