I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
