i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
