I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
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The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
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There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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