Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
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