Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize