my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
