She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
