i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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