can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
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you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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