Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
