you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She's the barista slut.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
