Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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