Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize