I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
