i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
