true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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