I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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