Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
