I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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