It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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