I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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