Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
