I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
smell my finger.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
