If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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